Falconry’s Role in Modern Politics: Kennedy’s Unusual Hobby

Our political landscape has taken a turn for the bizarre. While we’re used to politicians flocking to photo ops with bald eagles, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has decided to one-up the competition by embracing his inner falconer. But as we’ll soon discover, his avian adventures have led to some rather unexpected consequences. Buckle up, patriots, because this story is about to take flight into the realm of the truly absurd.

The Bear Necessities of Political Scandals

In a twist that even the most creative political satirist couldn’t have dreamed up, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., independent presidential candidate and apparent wildlife enthusiast, has admitted to placing a dead bear cub in New York’s Central Park back in 2014. Yes, you read that correctly. The scion of one of America’s most prominent political dynasties decided to play taxidermist in the Big Apple.

Kennedy’s confession came in response to an upcoming New Yorker article, prompting him to post a video explanation on social media. In his own words, “Looking forward to seeing how you spin this one, @NewYorker.”

I started doing hawking when I was 9 years old and there's not been any time in my life since then that I haven't had birds and haven't been involved in the sport. It's one of the great joys of my life. pic.twitter.com/y7h2WGS0tE

— Robert F. Kennedy Jr (@RobertKennedyJr) November 26, 2023

A Falconry Trip Gone Wild

The saga began during one of Kennedy’s falconry excursions in the Hudson Valley. A woman in a vehicle accidentally hit and killed a bear cub, which Kennedy then decided to collect. His initial plan? To skin the bear and use the meat. However, time constraints led to a change of plans that would make even the most seasoned politician cringe.

“I pulled over and I picked up the bear and put him in the back of my van because I was going to skin the bear,” Kennedy explained in his video confession.

Central Park’s Ursine Mystery

Instead of disposing of the cub properly, Kennedy and his friends hatched a plan that would make any prankster proud. They decided to stage a scene in Central Park, making it appear as though the bear had been hit by a bicycle. The resulting media frenzy and law enforcement investigation were probably not part of their original plan.

“Let’s go put the bear in Central Park and we’ll make it look like he got hit by a bike,” Kennedy recalled saying to his companions.

The Plot Thickens

The 6-month-old, 44-pound bear cub’s appearance in Central Park sparked a citywide mystery. Ironically, Kennedy’s own niece, Tatiana Schlossberg, wrote the original New York Times article about the incident, unaware of her uncle’s involvement.

“Like law enforcement, I had no idea who was responsible for this when I wrote the story,” Schlossberg later stated to The New York Times.

In a twist of fate, the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation’s necropsy report concluded that “The cause of death was blunt force injuries consistent with a motor vehicle collision,” inadvertently corroborating Kennedy’s story.

As this peculiar tale unfolds, one can’t help but wonder: Is falconry truly the path to political success, or has Kennedy’s unusual hobby simply led him down a bear-y strange road? Only time will tell how this wildlife caper will impact his presidential aspirations.